I absolutely LOVE what I do. Moving to My Daily Choice/Hempworx was the BEST thing I could have ever done. I have always been about helping others and finding products that work. I was with a company for 4 years and loved what I did BUT sadly they got greedy and changed the products. I was so disappointed when this happened, When the products first came out they were amazing, the helped my boys so much an then I noticed they stopped working 🙁 I noticed a change in colour and the product got gritty. And with the other one I was getting sick every time I took it. I was told this was NORMAL. Now those of you who know me, know that my boys have autism and well with this product I was able to get them off medications and it was going really good then all of a sudden it changed. I had to find something ASAP to help them. I stopped sharing about these products and I honestly was starting to think it was just us but In my search I had customers messaging me telling me the SAME thing, they were not working, the product was gritty, something changed, etc. The person I am, I could no longer promote something that was not working not only for myself and my family but for everyone else too, in my eyes I am lying to people that this product works when in fact it didn’t anymore. That is NOT who I am, I am NOT about the money, I am all about helping people feel better. I had been researching CBD oil for about a year, but the problem was I couldn’t find a company that for one had a real product and for 2 shipped world wide. When I posted that I quit the other company and why I quit so many people opened up and told me that they also experienced the same thing, some were shocked that I left and others totally understood, I will NEVER lie and have been up front right from the get go about why I left, I even had one of the leader tell me to take my feelings out of it, ummmm so you want me to lie to people and sell them something that won’t work? Nope that is NOT ME at all.
I finally found My Daily Choice / Hempworx and I am so happy I did, I am proud to be apart of this amazing company. Not only do they have top notch products I know they will never change them. And my boys are doing so much better now.
The CEO’s of this company are the most amazing people, they truly CARE about each and everyone of us. They are not all about hyping things up, when they say they are going to do something they do it. I have so much respect for them both, even though I haven’t met them in person, I have talked to Josh on the phone and he is the most down to earth, real person, and I am super excited and proud to be apart of this company
That all this being said, I found what works for me and I am unapologetic and most certainly not embarrassed. What happened with the other company was not my fault. I love the network marketing industry. When you are in a company that for one cares and will always be straight up with you and also has the best training system to teach you and when you learn to do it right, it’s a beautiful thing
If your little one wanders you may want to take note of this…..
This is a brilliant way to create “If lost, call your number here” temporary tattoos to protect your kiddos at fairs, amusement parks, large malls, etc. All you need is a sharpie and liquid band aid!
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Our house hold is a happy one, we joke around, we laugh, we share our feeling and frustrations with each other, our hopes and dreams. We have taught our kids to look at the positive things in life, we love them unconditional, and are always there for them when they need us and help others understand as well. They are also here for us too, there have been many times I have gotten encouraging words from our kids 🙂 Makes my heart melt and helps me to keep on going. They also make us laugh at the things that comes out of there mouths. Some things they say also surprises me and helps me to know that they do understand all that I do for them.
Last year Tyler and Travis turned 18, I had picked them up early from school and we were all talking together, a song came on the radio that the words really hit home, I told them that’s how I feel about all of them, that I will fight for them and do anything possible to make life easier for them, I then told them how proud of them I was, they have come such a long way and that I will always be proud of them no matter what. There was a pause in the conversation and Tyler piped up and said “Mom, I am proud of you too” I was very surprised by this and said oh, he says “ya Mom, I am proud of you for looking after us”. Talk about heart melt, tears came to my eyes, and I knew right then that they got it, they understand all I do is for them 🙂 They all then said they were proud of me and thanked me for being there Mom. WOW what an awesome moment.
Then there are things they say that make us laugh so hard, even when I am getting frustrated because they are taking so long to get ready for school. You see they have no concept of time, so to them goofing around, moving slow, they feel that everyone will just wait, well that’s not how it is and I have tried so hard to make them understand this, you need to be out at the bus stop for 7:30 as the bus comes at 7:40. I aim for 7:30 that way if they need that extra 10 min they wont miss the bus.
One morning Tyler was being his “joker” self, I was on him to hurry up and get moving as he was going to miss his bus, he kept goofing around and goofing around, well I was getting so frustrated and it was like he has no care in the world, I finally said “Tyler, stop acting so stupid and get ready for school” well he stopped dead, put his hand on his hip look at me and said, “Mom, I am not acting stupid, I am acting sarcastically”. I had to walk away as I would have started to laugh. They all never take Barry seriously, which is so funny, everything Barry does is so funny to them. But on one occasion, Barry is always goofing around, I had asked him one morning to empty the garbage as it was over flowing, his response was, “oh I cant I am too busy”, Travis was getting ready for school, stopped dead in his tracks and said “you know Dad, you should do what your wife says” and kept going, OMG how funny to hear that out of his mouth..LOL.. And nothing goes unsaid, if they think it is important they will tell you, its a good thing I don’t get embarrassed easily as somethings they say to others well should not be said, but they don’t look at it that way. Here are a few good stories that I have learned, one day at school Tyler pulled his teacher over and said “do you know what my Mom does in the morning”, she said “no Tyler, what does she do” he says “well Mrs. she farts and then says, oh Maggie” LOL (Maggie is our dog). Like I said good thing I don’t get embarrassed easily. Another one is that my Dad always goofs around with the kids, he has a artificial tree in his room, well he told the kids that it is a Marijuana plant, I said omg Dad don’t tell them that they will tell people that my Papa grows marijuana. Well Tyler writes in a journal at school, I love reading it, and one of his pages says ” My Papa has a plant in his bedroom and did you know its a marijuana plant” lol omg, sometimes they don’t get the kidding part when someone is kidding. LOL.
Another thing they really don’t grasp the concept of is money, we have been working hard to get them to understand, but it has been a difficult one. If they want something they always says “well use the card” (referring to the bank card) they we try to explain that there is no money in the bank, well use the card it will work, they just don’t get the fact that well Daddy has to get his pay cheque first. So one day I took them grocery shopping, life skills is an important part and we try to teach them the best we can. I am always on them about no wasting food as well groceries are expensive and there is no need to waste, to me its throwing money out the window. With taking them grocery shopping it is also teaching them math skills, I get them to help me, like here Travis take this bag and get me 6 apples, or which one is cheaper, look at the price and tell me which on is less money. So on one grocery shopping trip we got to the cash register and they had helped put the groceries on the belt and then put them back into the cart, keep in mind my kids blurt stuff out and well are not quiet about it, so after all was tallied up, the lady said that will be 300 and something ( I cant remember the exact amount) well Travis blurts out and I am sure everyone in the whole store heard him “holy shit Mom that’s a lot of money, I will never waste food again” well he sure did learn about the cost of things that day lol.
When they were younger they did a lot more things in public that well they should not have, but then again, they do have autism and sometimes things just come out. I will never forget this one. They have just learned they really liked the song from the Group Bloodhound Gang Discovery channel, well if you ever heard this song you know what its about. So the kids from our church were to get up and sing Jesus Loves me for the elderly at church, Tyler and Travis were to take part as well, they understood at our church and were really awesome with the kids, my girlfriend and I made sure they were put at the end with in reach of us in case they had some problems. So all these little darling were getting lined up to sing, they started to sing, it was so cute, well this triggered something in the twins about songs and one of them piped up “have you heard the discovery channel song” I almost died, my girlfriend and I looked at each other and quickly both took one boy and took them out as fast as we could while they starting singing ” you and me baby ain’t nothing but mammals so lets do it like they do it on Discovery channel”
They imitate ANYTHING, they hear, you have to be so careful what you say around them, well my husband is not one who tents to watch what he says, and when they hear something that he says they think its funny and well they imitate him and it goes on for MONTHS. On one occasion Barry stubbed his toe, well anyone who knows my husband knows he is a little rough around the edges, well the air was a bit heated when this happened and for over three months they would imitate Barry, stubbing his toe, and all the foul language that when along with it. They would literately go to the same place he stubbed his toe, pretend to stub there toe and hop around swearing like there Dad did. Drove me nuts, Barry tries to be more cautious with his words now.
They have also surprised me with other things as well, I have a very bad back and I am not to be lifting heavy things, but I am I will admit my own worst enemy. I was doing laundry and I had Tyler and Travis’s laundry basket and was taking it down stairs, Travis came along and noticed me carrying it, stopped put down his game and scolded me, “Mom, you are NOT suppose to be carrying heavy things, here I will take it, next time ask” I was told lol.
I cant even begin to imagine what my kids say to others, maybe I dont want to know lol, but to them its ok, I do find out somethings and I am glad that it gets a good chuckle out of people. I am very open and honest with the kids, and when I was going for my hysterectomy I explained it all to the kids the best I could so they would understand. Well, I found out that my youngest son Brandon just had to tell about it, so apparently, he did his research on it, and actually got up in front of the WHOLE class and did a presentation on his Mom getting her baby parts taken out LOL, he did this on the day of my surgery, I was told that one of the E.A.’s had to leave the room so she would not been seen laughing, oh I wish I could have been a fly on the wall that day LOL. From what I was told it was quiet comical.
Like I said I am very open and honest with the kids, so one day I had the question, Mom what is a condom, well they were older and it was time to have “the talk”. Barry was sleeping on the couch and I was getting the kids ready for bed, so we sat in Tyler and Travis’s room and I started to have “the talk” with them, I got a condom and showed them what it was, Travis blurted out “that would never fit me” one of the many comments made in our conversation. I told them all I knew about the boy parts and then the question came, “well what about girls” so I answered with “well have you ever heard of a period” Tyler responded with ” yes, always, it give you a happy period” well I could not contain myself anymore and laughed so hard. “The talk” was quiet comical and they learned alot. So the next morning (Barry not knowing of this talk) one of the kids asked Barry, Dad, have you ever worn a condom, well Barry has a hard time with “the talk” and he went beat red and said “oh no, I have never had sex before”, Tyler stood there and I could see the wheels turning, and he said “umm Dad that’s a lie, we are here” then I told Barry we had “the talk”. So they did get it, and now Barry will have to answer the questions hahahaha, he told them its law and they cant have sex till they are 21 or married, good grief.
One thing for sure is there is never a dull moment in our house, and our kids ask lots of questions, and we answer them the best we can. I hope you enjoyed some of our humerus stories and it put a smile on your face, I know I am sitting here laughing with tears streaming down my cheeks as I write this, my kids are a hoot and can put a smile on your face when you are down, they just seem to sense it and know what to do 🙂
Have a wonderful day everyone xo
After we get married, start our family, and move away, we loose touch with the rest of our family and friends. I know we did. Having kids changes everything. Having children with special needs changes thing even more. Your twice as busy, with appointments, agencies, therapy, etc. The real issue is though, you go to family functions and well, when your child has a behavior and cant help it as he is having a sensory overload, and that some of your family gives you the look, or tries to give advice. Well you end up leaving, feeling like you don’t belong, sad and mad, Barry and I felt that so many times, so we thought the best was to just quit going. This again is lack of knowledge on others parts, and not wanting to “cause” a scene and hurting others. I use to get very angry and well I will admit I have a mouth and can fly off. And I did not want to do that, so the best was…stay home.. Looking back now I wish I had done things differently, we had children young which was a good plan as I could not have done what I all did now. Now that I am older, I wish I would have explained things more, but you get hurt and think screw it, I am so tired of it . Its sad as then you grow away from family and friends and loose touch.
Don’t let that happen to you. You need to stand up for your children and explain to people why things happen. We thought that by doing this we were saving ourselves from the hurt and sadness for ourselves and our children. We all want to be accepted, and in order for this you need to educate people about the disabilities your children might have. Only then can people learn to accept what its all about. And well if they don’t, oh well then you move on and forget about those who are that way. Life for sure is a journey and its your attitude that helps make that journey special. I know that back then I told my Mom, I am NEVER going to a family function again, it hurts that my own family are giving me the looks and talking about us, I told her I was done with it. Well if I would have just not gotten so angry (I was angry because I was very hurt) and just maybe explained it thinks might have been different, even got up in front of all the family and did a presentation on Autism and helped them to understand, (that family function is big with alot of people). Back then I was to quick to get pissed off…LOL.. its amazing what age can do.
I actually did do a presentation at my church with our ladies group, I talked about the boys and there birth, the struggles and the diagnosis, and answered questions anyone may have had, I was so nervous when I did it BUT I did and it helped alot, it helped people to understand Autism and why the children act or do the things they do. Also back then I did not know all I know now :). we were excepted in our church with open arms, people understood and took the time to help and to ask if they did not know. It was so awesome and I miss that, they were all like family to me 🙂
My advice is to don’t give up and explain to people why this happens, it might save you from feeling that your not welcomed into your family, or that your family does not love or respect you anymore. People do not realize what a look or a few words can do to someone, especially when they deal with a lot in life and are looking for acceptance.
I firmly believe that educating people is the way, so then no one feels hurt and not accepted.
I will tell you that well sometimes confronting does not work, as I did finally write and e-mail to a cousin of mine, with something that had happened at the last family function we went too and the way he acted. Me having my own physical disabilities I am sometimes up late or cant sleep because of pain. Well I told him what he did and how much that effected my son and made him feel and how it made me feel, I got it all off my chest. His e-mail back to me was so socking and hurtful. He told me that I had the symptoms of an alcoholic, I read this and was like WTH, I started to cry and so many things when through my mind, I am on medication, I have chronic pain, I don’t need alcohol, I am so NOT an alcoholic. why would you say that? what gives you the right to judge me this way? I was so upset, hurt and angry with this response I thought Well I let it go..but it did bother me, so finally I called my Mom and shared with her my e-mail and his response, She was floored at what was said, she was so upset and wanted to tear a strip off of this family member, and I know I did nothing wrong but share how I felt, but to be told that I was an Alcoholic when in fact this cousin does not know me that well, was very very hurtful. Just because there are others in our family that are, you should NEVER EVER judge someone else by past experiences. Like really, this is when I so want to tell someone come walk a mile in my shoes and see what my life is all about.
This is when you need to let it go and move on, if people want to think you are like that then fine. Let them. You cant let someone elses words take away your happiness, this is when it comes down to ignorance of people who are uneducated. They don’t know you obviously and don’t know the road you walk on. As long as you know who you are and so does God that’s all that matters. Words can hurt yes, but this is when you need to educate people so they can understand better. But as I said sometimes it does not work and you just need to let it go and know you stood up for yourself. This is just one of the few encounters I have had over the years. I want my children to take part in things, but again I want to protect them as well, I stopped going to the family functions as I was protecting our children from the ignorance of others and to be honest no one really paid them much attention so why should I go?? Just to be there?? To show that I care, I do care but why should I and my children be outcasted because they are not the “perfect” child?? Because they have a temper tantrum because there suffer from sensory overload (I found that out only a few years ago, I knew that was the problem but it takes so long to get assessments done), they can not help who they are, and why they do the things they do. To Barry and I they are Perfect. So in all honestly why would I take part in a family function when you get the “LOOK” or you see others looking and talking, when all your worried about is please dont have a melt down, please behave etc. I have spent so many years trying to get my boys to behave a way that would please others, because of the way I was brought up, and the way one should behave. I realized long ago that I had to stop doing that, stop trying to make my kids behave because really that is not going to happen. Once I realized what I was doing just to please others, I myself became more relaxed, and well I thought these are my kids and if you dont like what happens then dont bother, if you wont take to the time to understand then thats your problem not mine. If you take the time to understand, and educate yourself then sit down with my boys and talk to them, you will learn ALOT. They are amazing kids, they have a great sense of humor, they are funny, loving, caring, kind, helpful, kids. Sure they have there moment BUT dont we all, they just dont know how to deal with it the right way, so what, get to know them and I think you will be surprised 🙂 And always forgive the ones who have been rude, or ignorant as they just dont know. And in order for you to move on you need to forgive that person for there actions.
Remember that Education is the key in order to stop the ridiculed behaviors of others. And to the people who do not understand, Words are a very powerful tool and when you use them the wrong way it can really hurt, Educate yourself before you speak, and remember that lady in the grocery store who’s child in on the floor having a temper tantrum, well it maybe that he or she has a disability. So dont judge when you dont know, we take our children with us for a reason, they need to learn and they have a right to be in society just like you do.
Have a wonderful day everyone, and I really hope who ever ready my blogs that I help in some way, and if you are suffering as well, I am her to help you through it. I have been there and I understand.
God Bless xoxo
This I feel we don’t do enough of, do you know that with just one up lifting word you can make someone’s day a whole lot better? Did you know that sometime when you feel you need to call someone, or write them a quick e-mail, that it’s a message that they need some love that day.
There has been lots of times I have had it upon me to just write something short to someone, then I come to find out that what I said made there day. Our words are very powerful, we can build someone up very easily or tear them down. Sometimes with out even knowing we can hurt someone with what we have said, or did.
The worst of this is gossip, now that a subject that is very hurtful. I could never understand why people need to do this, to talk about others, and to spread nasty rumours around about them. I feel that when people do this, they them selves have issues and need to make others look bad so they don’t. But little do they know that when they do these things that it can tear someone down so easily.. BUT only if YOU allow it. That’s the point, if you allow someone’s words tear you down, it can be so crucial to your well being. I myself have for years now listened to rumours about people and about myself, I use to let them get me down, but then one day it hit me, I am NOT this person, I DO NOT do that, I know who I am and so does God, so why am I letting this get to me? I pondered about it for sometime and meditated on that, I came to the conclusion that well if that’s what they want to say so be it, I know who I am, people who know me well know who I am, and well this persons life is so filled with resentment and bitterness, they want to try and look good to others so they need to make other people look bad.. Oh that so wrong at my expense, but I know who I am so I need to not let this get to me. Have you ever been in this kind of situation?? Its hard to swallow, BUT you need to look into yourself and know who you are, and know that God knows who you are and that’s all that matters. Took me along time to get to this point, you need to hold you head high and remember that you are loved by many. Each day look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself that you are a creation of God, you are loved, you are special, and you will not let others bring you down. And just know that when you are feeling down you can call upon God’s love to help you threw it. But also pray for the person who is saying things about you. I do believe in Karma and usually these things back fire.
But back to positive affirmations, you need to always lift yourself up and others, always believe in yourself. Positive affirmations are positive sentences repeated many times in order to impress the subconscious mind and trigger it into action. These sentences describe a situation that we desire to happen, and are repeated many times, with conviction, attention and feelings. More than often people repeat negative sentences and statements, concerning diverse situations in their lives, and consequently bring upon themselves undesirable situations. Affirmations work both ways, to build and to destroy. They are a kind of a neutral power. It is the way we use them that determines whether they are going to bring good or harmful results. I want positive results don’t you?? So here I have a list of some to help you in what ever you going threw, remember that when you are doing this, there should be no physical, emotional or mental tension while repeating them. The stronger the concentration, the more faith you have in what you are doing, the more feelings you put into the act, the stronger and faster will be the results. Never put yourself down as when you do you are telling your subconscious mind the negative and that’s when you start to believe it yourself, for example you desire to lose weight, do not say, “I am not fat, I am losing weight.” By saying this sentence you are repeating to your subconscious mind that you are fat. The word “losing” also evokes negative images. It is better to say, “My body has an athletic form, and weighs the right and healthy weight”. Such words evoke positive images in the mind. As to results, sometimes they may come fast, and at other times may take more time to manifest. Achieving results through the power of affirmations depends on how much time, energy, faith and feelings you invest in your affirmations, on how big or small is your goal, and on how strong is your desire.
By using the power of affirmations you state what you want to be true in your life. You see reality, as you want it to be. For a while, you ignore your current circumstances and your doubts, and concentrate on a different reality. Hopefully this find you well, and remember to be true to yourself and others, uplift yourself always and think positive.
– I am healthy and happy.
– Wealth is pouring into my life.
– I am flowing on the river of wealth.
– I am getting wealthier each day.
– My body is healthy and functioning in a very good way.
– I have a lot of energy.
– I study and comprehend fast.
– I am getting A’s in my exams.
– My mind is calm.
– I am calm and relaxed in every situation.
– My thoughts are under my control.
– I radiate love and happiness.
– I am surrounded by love.
– I have the perfect job for me.
– I am living in the house of my dreams.
– I have good and loving relations with my wife/husband.
– I have a wonderful satisfying job.
– I have the means to travel abroad whenever I want to.
– I am successful in whatever I do.
– Everything is getting better every day.
Happy New Years Everyone 🙂 We survived another Christmas, I love Christmas but I am glad it’s over, the boys anxiety was awful, poor Tyler could not sleep, Travis was just beside himself, and Brandon was just so excited he could not wait..lol.. We had a low-key morning, and I messed up by letting them open a gift that was what they wanted and well lets just say we had to get them back to open the remainder of their gifts lol… over all the years I should know not to do that LOL.. We went to our dear friend for Christmas dinner and had a lovely time. Now that its over things are getting back to normal, what ever that is.. I can’t wait for school to start so we can all get back into a routine again.
I had a few moment during the holidays, I lost my Mom in 2010 to cancer, she was my rock, my best friend and I miss her so much. When we got the diagnoses, I went home to look after her. She was diagnosed with liver and lung cancer, there was nothing they could do as her liver was full of it. We figured that was the primary as you could feel and see the tumor that was growing rapidly in her liver. It was the best 2 months ever, and really she did not suffer.
Her wishes where to stay home, so I stayed to look after her, she was so happy that I was able to be there with her, she said she needed me, and my strength, she told me so may things during that time, she told me that she knew i was strong but not this strong, she told me she wishes she was more like me, I was so overcome with emotions during this time, but I stayed strong for her and my Dad. I held it all together for them. Together we wrote her obituary, planed her memorial, she wanted me to sing our song, my song to her, “wind beneath my wings”, we got everything in order, as that’s the way she was 🙂 We got rid of all her clothing so my Dad would not have to deal with it, we laughed, we cried, we shared, it was amazing. We had palliative care come to the apartment, and the Doctor from the program as well would come and make visits, we had an awesome team with us which helped a lot, the nurses would share information with me and would show me how to administer her meds, Mom always said my group home training was meant for this moment.
My Husband was awesome, he was home with the kids, looking after everything there, it was hard as i needed him as well, but we both made a sacrifice during this time and thought nothing of it, because he knew that I would be there for my Parents, he always knew that from day one and he was so awesome. We never thought it would be Mom first, we all joked about it over the years, my Dad always would say things like, Bea when I am gone, Mom would look at him and say where are you going, and we would laugh.
On May 16th 2010, I called Barry and told him it was time he come as Mom did not have much time, she was asked prior if she wanted to be with it or not when the time came, she said no I don’t want to know what is going on, so her wishes where answered with medication and she was with us but not. Poor Barry I met him downstairs and told him to brace himself as Mom was so skinny and looked not herself. I think the worst part of it all was after a time when she was still lucid and able to communicate she did not want anyone to come and visit, as she did not want people to see her that way, it was very hard, we asked her on Mothers day why she would not let her sisters come, and she said “I want them to remember me healthy, not like this, I don’t want them to see me this sick” she always thought of others, and I felt it was wrong but we went with what she wanted. Poor Barry could not belive how much she had changed since he saw her last. My poor Dad did not know what to do, he had a hard time staying in the apartment, and did not say much, we all knew it was just a matter of time before Mom crossed over.
On May 18, 2010, my Dad when to the funeral home to give them her picture, while he was gone, Barry and I where there with Mom, he got up to go to the washroom and said Lisa you better come here, as I walked over to Mom she had taken her last breath, I held her hand and told her it was ok, and it was time to go, and cried. We called the nurse who was looking after Mom to tell her she was gone, my Dad came back with my brother, and I told him Mom was gone, I called my Sister and called my Aunts.
I helped the Nurse wash and dress my Mom, I did this because this would be the last thing I would ever do for her, it was like I was in another world, I did the motions but I was really not there, I was still holding it together for my Dad and it was so very hard. Mom was cremated and we held a memorial for her on May 21st. I did sing Wind Beneath My Wings, I don’t know how I did but I did.
We left for home the day after, when I got home I broke, I let it all out, I felt that a piece of me left with her, and for 2 years I was in a deep dark place, doing what I needed to do for my family and going with life, but I lost interest in everything I loved to do. I made myself get out of bed, I still had appointments for the kids and had to deal with all that, it took me a long time to try to get myself back to where I once was. I lost my Mom, my best friend, my support, I told her EVERYTHING, and I lost it all, I did not know who to turn too, who to confide in, it was so hard, I just could not pull myself out of it. This past year on Mother’s day 2012, I looked at Barry and I said, I think I am ok, I did not cry as much, I was starting to do more, it really took a toll on me, with all I did for her, and everything I saw, it was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life, but I did it, and she would not want me like this. I am slowly pulling out of that dark place, and I am getting myself on track again. My Mom was the one who knew me and knew everything I have been through in life, so many times I would cry and she would tell me, I know life has not been easy for you, but you have made it through a lot and will get through this as well, I remembered those words and that helped me so much.
Over time I have started to open up to my Dad and now its him I turn too, he listens, he tries to give advice, but I know he is there for me when I need him, and that’s all that matters. Life is never how we have planed it, I have learned that, I did not ask to be dealt with the cards I have been dealt with, but one thing I do know, is that I feel Blessed, I feel that God chose me for this life, as he knew I could handle it, he knew that I would LOVE my boys unconditional, and I would fight for them, He is the one who knows you inside and out, so if you are going through a lot in your life, remember that this is God’s plan for you, you may not understand it, you may get mad about it, I sure have, I have yelled at Him, I have cursed Him, I have asked WHY, but I know that there is a reason for it, I may not understand at the time, but I know it’s all in His plan, not mine.
You will get through what ever it is your going through, you will survive it, the mountain is steep but once you reach the top, you will see the light and the beginning of something wonderful. I don’t go to church, I use to when we lived in Woodstock, I have not found one here , but I believe in God and a higher power more than we can even comprehend, and He is always with Us no matter if we know it or not, and He loves us unconditionally.
I have been dealing with so much lately and I tell you its starting to catch up, since September its been like a roller coaster ride. My youngest was admitted into the hospital for a week, as he had a psychotic episode, I tried to quit smoking, and well that did not work out so well, dealing with the school, behavior problems with Travis, a new school year, the big assessment for the Twins, meeting for Brandon to figure out what is going on, dealing with Brandon calling me almost everyday with some excuse as he does not want to be in school, then I have been having some health issues of my own, I had a bladder suspension done, then a hysterectomy about a year after that as I had ALOT of issues, and not well something is not right with the bladder suspension, they found out I have one kidney bigger than the other, and a HUGE cyst on my right ovary.. GOD it never ends. Yesterday I had an appointment with my counselor as things have been hitting home, and well I went out to start the truck (which I will tell you is a piece of JUNK) and it would not start, Barry had the van as he had stuff to do up North…..WELL that was the icing on the cake for me and I just broke down, I ended up having an over the phone with my councilor, thank god, she is so awesome. I cried, I vented, I told all, she listened and was very helpful. I need to take more time for myself, I know that, lately its been so hard to find the time. I have been missing so many people who are in my life right now, my Mom who passed away of cancer 2 years ago, my Dad, my sister, my nieces, my Mother in Law.. the whole family. Yes I talk to them everyday but it’s not the same, I just wish to be able to hug them and someone to tell me that everything is going to be alright, like my Mom use to do 🙁 I am strong but comes a time when you break and I guess I am at that point now. I know it will get better and I hope it is soon. I just want to figure out whats going on with Brandon and hope we can get him all leveled out so life will be less stressful.
So today I go and see the Doctor about my bladder and kidney issues, I have been calling him the Pee Pee Dr.. LOL.. Just seems like lately every time I turn around there is something else to add to the list.. and its a LONG list. I know there is light at the end of the tunnel and I will get there soon, just wish it was now.. and the Anxiety has started for Christmas, the boys Anxiety is HIGH at this time of the year and I don’t look forward to it at all. I love Christmas, but it’s so much for the kids, the anxiety, we cant go anywhere as they just could not handle it, it sucks but we have gotten use to it, they are better in their own surrounding at this time of year as we want to avoid the melt downs, the temper tantrums, etc.
So this is my day today, Christmas shopping and seeing the pee pee Dr. and hope to GOD I don’t have to have more surgery, we shall see, but I am afraid that is what will be happening.
Have an awesome day everyone xo