I have been dealing with so much lately and I tell you its starting to catch up, since September its been like a roller coaster ride. My youngest was admitted into the hospital for a week, as he had a psychotic episode, I tried to quit smoking, and well that did not work out so well, dealing with the school, behavior problems with Travis, a new school year, the big assessment for the Twins, meeting for Brandon to figure out what is going on, dealing with Brandon calling me almost everyday with some excuse as he does not want to be in school, then I have been having some health issues of my own, I had a bladder suspension done, then a hysterectomy about a year after that as I had ALOT of issues, and not well something is not right with the bladder suspension, they found out I have one kidney bigger than the other, and a HUGE cyst on my right ovary.. GOD it never ends. Yesterday I had an appointment with my counselor as things have been hitting home, and well I went out to start the truck (which I will tell you is a piece of JUNK) and it would not start, Barry had the van as he had stuff to do up North…..WELL that was the icing on the cake for me and I just broke down, I ended up having an over the phone with my councilor, thank god, she is so awesome. I cried, I vented, I told all, she listened and was very helpful. I need to take more time for myself, I know that, lately its been so hard to find the time. I have been missing so many people who are in my life right now, my Mom who passed away of cancer 2 years ago, my Dad, my sister, my nieces, my Mother in Law.. the whole family. Yes I talk to them everyday but it’s not the same, I just wish to be able to hug them and someone to tell me that everything is going to be alright, like my Mom use to do 🙁 I am strong but comes a time when you break and I guess I am at that point now. I know it will get better and I hope it is soon. I just want to figure out whats going on with Brandon and hope we can get him all leveled out so life will be less stressful.
So today I go and see the Doctor about my bladder and kidney issues, I have been calling him the Pee Pee Dr.. LOL.. Just seems like lately every time I turn around there is something else to add to the list.. and its a LONG list. I know there is light at the end of the tunnel and I will get there soon, just wish it was now.. and the Anxiety has started for Christmas, the boys Anxiety is HIGH at this time of the year and I don’t look forward to it at all. I love Christmas, but it’s so much for the kids, the anxiety, we cant go anywhere as they just could not handle it, it sucks but we have gotten use to it, they are better in their own surrounding at this time of year as we want to avoid the melt downs, the temper tantrums, etc.
So this is my day today, Christmas shopping and seeing the pee pee Dr. and hope to GOD I don’t have to have more surgery, we shall see, but I am afraid that is what will be happening.
Have an awesome day everyone xo